The Decision

A few days ago, we had lunch together.

Then we talked about a lot of stuff, including work. She noticed my face when she asked about my work.

The truth is, I was down for two days. I told her nobody needs me there. I knew it very well, long before I started this Permanent-Head-Damage thing. That moment I could never erase from my memories, the moment when someone telling others right in front of me, that she/he never wanted me. That person might be thinking her/his words as a joke. But, it was a very bad joke after all.

Ya, I got the options: to strive for success or just let her/him hate me forever.

I never decide.

Then her friends came. They talked a lot about work. About the whole new people around them in their new worlds. About their difficulties to face students and their questions. About how they never teach anyone before. What should they discuss in two hours of teaching? Can they help the students to understand the topic very well? What would be the students reaction when they don't have the answers to their questions? And more.

Till then, she asked me, "Do you still want to be a lecturer?"

We giggled.

May be Allah wants to show me something. May be He wants me to be tough enough with my choice in the first place. May be He wants me to think, if this is the road that I would take, what should I do now?

I should decide.